Provenance

Sam: Burning the painting didn't get rid of it.

Dean: Yeah, thank you Captain Obvious!

Asylum

Dean: (talking about his dad) You know I love the guy, but I swear he writes like freaking Yoda!

 Red Sky at Morning

Bela: Do you really think this is going to work?

Dean: Almost definitely not.

Bad Day at Black Rock 

Bela: So, how'd things go last night with Peter?

(Sam gives angry look) 

Bela: That well, huh.

Dean: If you say "I told you so," I swear to God, I'll start swinging.

Red Sky at Morning 

Dean: (about Bela) You know what? Your right. I’m not going to kill her. I think slow torture’s the way to go.

Red Sky at Morning 

Dean: (to Sam) You stink like sex.

Red Sky at Morning 

(about Bela)

Dean: Can I shoot her? 

Sam: Not in public.

Bedtime Stories 

Sam: I think it's Snow White

Dean: Snow White? Ah, I saw that movie. Oh, the porn version anyway.

Hookman 

(to Sammy about his girly coffee choice)

Dean: Your half-caf, double vanilla latte is getting cold over here, Francis.

What Is and What Should Never Be 

(Sam has just told Dean they don't get along)

Dean: We don't? Well, we should. You're my brother. 

Sam: You're my brother.

Dean: Yeah! 

Sam: You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nayv.

Dean: Who? 

Sam: Uh, my prom date. On prom night.

Dean: *under his breath* Yeah, that does kinda sound like me.

Croatoan 

Sam: This is the dumbest thing you've ever done.

Dean: I don't know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa ?

Folsom Prison Blues 

Henricksen: You think you're funny?

Dean: I think I'm adorable.

Playthings

Dean: Ya know she could be faking.

Sam:Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick?

(Dean nods)

Sam: Dude, you're not gonna poke her with a stick!

Fresh Blood 

Dean : What do you want me to do, Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I’m going to die? You know what, I’ve got one. Let’s see, what rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"?

A Very Supernatural Christmas 

Dean : You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!

Scarecrow 

(to the townspeople who are about to sacrifice him for their farms)

Dean: I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it!

Playthings 

Dean: We might even run into Fred and Daphnie inside. Mmmm... Daphnie. I love her.

Hunted 

Dean: Come on man. I know Sam, OK? Better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. I mean the guy feels guilty searching the Internet for porn.

Faith 

Dean: I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

Crossroads Blues 

Dean: We know a little about a lot of things; just enough to make us dangerous.

Nightshifter 

Dean: Damn cops.

Sam: They were just doing their job. 

Dean: No, they were doing our job, only they don't know it so they suck at it

Nightshifter 

Dean: I like him. He says okie dokie.

Nightmare 

Dean: As long as I'm around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.

Dead in the Water

Sam: Kids are the best?

Dean: Yeah, I love kids. 

Sam: Name three children that you even know.

(Dean scratches head for while; Sam starts to walk away) 

Dean: I'm thinking!

Skin 

(about the shapeshifter)

Dean: Ugh, the thought of him driving my car. 

Sam: Oh, c'mon.

Dean: It's killing me!

Faith 

Dean: Man, you're a lying bastard! I thought you said we were going to see a doctor.

Sam: I believe I said specialist. Look, Dean, this guy is supposed to be the real deal.

Dean: I can't believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent!

Faith 

Dean: You better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass.

Sam: I don't think that's funny.

Dean: Oh come on, it's a little funny.

Houses of the Holy 

Sam: Dean, there's ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we've ever hunted.

Dean: You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!

Sam: (looking heartbroken) Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?

Dean: (looks concerned for a moment, then catches on) Cute.

Playthings

Dean: Of course, the most troubling question is, why do these people assume we're gay?

Croatoan 

(an infected townsperson tells Dean to get out of his car)

Dean:Heh. Well, you are a handsome devil, but I don't swing that way. Sorry.

Crossroad Blues

Dean: The secretary's name is Carly. She's 23, she kayaks, and they're real.

Sam: You didn't happen to ask her if she's seen any black dogs lately, did you?

(Dean hands over a list)

Dean: Every complaint called in this week about anything big, black or doglike. There's 19 calls in all. And, uh, I don't know what this is.

(hands Sam a post-it note; Sam laughs)

Sam: You mean Carly's MySpace address?

Dean: Yeah, MySpace, what the hell is that?

(Sam laughs again, a little incredulous)

Dean: Seriously, is that like some sort of porn site?

The Kids Are Alright

Sam: So let me get this straight. You want to drive all the way to Cicero just to hook up with some random chick?

Dean: She was a yoga teacher. That was the bendiest weekend of my life!

Bad Day at Black Rock 

Dean: (reading from trophy) 1995.

Sam: No way. That's my Division Championship soccer trophy. I can't believe he kept this. 

Dean: Probably the closest you ever got to being a boy.

Sin City 

Dean: (about the Colt) So if we wanna go check out these omens in Ohio, think you can have that thing ready by this afternoon?

Bobby: Well, it won’t kill demons by then, but I can promise it’ll kill you.

Bedtime Stories 

Sam: I've got a theory. Sort of.

Dean: Hit me.

Sam: Well, thinking about fairy tales.

Dean: Oh, that’s... that's nice. You think about fairy tales often?

Bedtime Stories 

Sam: (staring at frog on the road) Yeah, you’re right, that's completely normal.

Dean: All right, maybe it is fairy tales. Totally messed-up fairy tales. I'll tell you one thing, there’s no way I'm kissing a damned frog.

Bedtime Stories 

Sam: (gesturing to pumpkin on porch) Hey, check that out.

Dean: Yeah? It's close to Halloween. 

Sam: You remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into a coach and the mice that become horses?

Dean: Dude! Could you be more gay? Don't answer that.

Bedtime Stories 

Dean: You find a way to stop Callie, all right.

Sam: What about you?

Dean: I'm gonna go stop the big bad wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.

Red Sky At Morning

Dean: A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.

Red Sky At Morning

Bela: You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.

Dean: (after thinking hard) Don't objectify me.

Fresh Blood

Dixon: Can you think of a worse hell?

Dean: Well, there's Hell.

A Very Supernatural Christmas

Sam: Huh, when you sacrifice to Holnacar, guess what he gives you in return? 

Dean: Lap dances, hopefully.

A Very Supernatural Christmas 

Dean: She gave them to you for free? Do you sell them for free?

Shopkeeper: No way. It's Christmas. People pay a buttload for them. 

Dean: That's the spirit.

Malleus Maleficarum 

Dean: You saved my life.

Ruby: Don't mention it. 

Dean: What was that stuff? God, it was ass. It tasted like ass.

Ruby: It's witchcraft, short bus. (she leaves) 

Dean: (mutters) You're the short bus, short bus...

Malleus Maleficarum 

Dean: (to Ruby) You wanna kill me, get in the line b*tch!

Dream a Little Dream of Me 

Dean: Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?

Sam: No... 

Dean: Brad Pitt?

Sam: No. No!

Mystery Spot

Dean being mimicked by Sam: You think your being funny but your being really really childish... Sam Winchester wears make-up... Sam Winchester cries his way through sex... Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by his bed and every morning when he wakes up he... OK ENOUGH!!

Jus in Bello

Dean: It's like we got a contract on us. You think it's 'cause we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause it's we're so awesome.

Jus in Bello

Henricksen: I shot the Sheriff.

Dean: (stares at the dead cop for a while) But you didn't shoot the deputy.

Jus in Bello

Sam: You were possessed. 

Henricksen: Possessed like... possessed?

Sam: That's what it feels like. Now you know 

Dean: I owe you the biggest "I told you so" ever.

Jus in Bello

Henricksen: I mean, after all, seeing you two in chains... 

Dean: You kinky son of a b*tch, we don't swing that way.

Jus in Bello 

Dean: Honestly, I think the world's going to end bloody. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't fight. We do have choices. I choose to go down swingin'.

Jus in Bello 

Henricksen: You know what my job is?

Dean: You mean, besides locking up the good guys?

Malleus Maleficarum 

Dean: I hate witches! Spewing their bodily fluids everywhere. It is insane! No, downright unsanitary!

Devil's Trap

Meg: He begged for his life with tears in his eyes. He begged to see his sons one last time. That's when I slit his throat! 

Dean: For your sake, I hope your lying. 'Cause if it's true I swear to God I will march into hell myself, and I will slaughter each and every one of you evil sons of b*tches, so help me God!

Devil's Trap 

Dean: Where's our father, Meg?

Meg: You didn't ask very nicely. 

Dean: Where's our father, b*tch!

Meg: Do you kiss you mother with that mouth? Oh, I forget... You don't!

The Kids Are Alright 

Dean (to Sam): Gumby girl.... Does that make me Pokey?